Saturday, July 16, 2011

Documenting the incision; dealing with ups and downs

Do you ever have those days where you just need time to be pissed off or frustrated or just a little overwhelmed? I happened to be at my parents visiting for awhile this afternoon (sat) and my Dad and I where sitting out on their back deck talking about anything and everything to do with the week. I was tired (waking up 7 -9 times a night to go to the bathroom is not make for fitful sleep even if you fall back asleep quickly!) and feeling a little bad about a conversation my sister and I had, had the night before and was thinking of the coming week with soaring temperatures and basically just feeling one of those 24 hour blues although in this case it was more like a went to bed frustrated, woke up tired and in between dropping everything under the seeming sun which was getting on my nerves I just needed time to think out what I was upset about. Anyways my whole point is that sometimes having those relatively short frustrated periods and getting it out of the way is better than carrying something in your mind and on your back day afrer day after day. While nothing is really feel sorted when it comes to my sister and I miss her terribly and admittedly I do worry a little from time to time but instead of hanging on to all this and letting it get me further annoyed and further frustrated I just let go of it all after awhile today with the realization that I can control very little of the above circumstances and can only do some much especially when the other person pushes you away. I really think having a 24 hour or so period to just mull over something, let it "get" to you and try to make sense of it while realizing it is probably ok to feel down is better than ignoring something and it subconsciously follows you in everything  you do or you become so caught up in the problem(s) without realizing how much of an impact it is having on your emotional and overall self.. I think maybe this is why I can look at most things even some of the really hard things in life and in MPS more optimistically bc I can carry it with me for a bit, feel bad about it but then I can either set it aside, deal with it or can come to realize it isnt the worst thing that could happen and i'll get through it no matter how large or small the problem is. Doesnt always make the present time easier when dealing with those issues but still that ability to sort and deal and look at things reasonably is probably a key part of a functional person. I dont really know if this makes sense but more or less just my musings I guess.

Earlier this week - monday or tues maybe? Some fluid but not looking to bad and by this point had been about 1 1/2 weeks since this swelling started back up.      
 Saturday night - more swelling (??) it appears and holds fairly steady throughout the day though tonight seems worse than at any point so far - has been odd feeling - not only like the actual pressyre sensation above this site but to the L of the fluid closer to it seems my side has some weird sensation I cant quite describe. Ive always had where the valve area of the shunt seems to shift and rub on nerves and that to started up but not to bad and is long and dull in lenght vs short periods of pain and breathtaking.

Back view of the incisions - reminds me of a silly putty container really - not sure why that would come to mind but it does!

I decided to document this fluid over time 1 to 2x's a week just to see with my camera since other than feeling I cant see what the area looks like. I did go swimming today but was more walking around in the pool and laying on a small childs floatie vs to all out hoarsing around but who knows maybe thats enough to cause this increase. WEIRD!!!

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